Transcript: Modal Verbs Of The Heart

Modals of the Heart: Relationship TOP TIPS (Using Should, Ought To, Had Better)

Intermediate (A2/B1)
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✅Key Vocabulary

Modal Verbs (Noun) - Synonyms: Auxiliary verbs, Helper verbs
(Verbos modales / Модальные глаголы / أفعال مساعدة / Verbes modaux)

Compromise (Noun/Verb) - Synonyms: Settlement, Agreement
(Compromiso / Компромисс / حل وسط / Compromis)

Metaphor (Noun) - Synonyms: Analogy, Symbol
(Metáforа / Метафора / استعارة / Métaphore)

Toxicities (Noun) - Synonyms: Poisonous effects, Harmful influences
(Toxicidades / Токсичность / سميّة / Toxicités)

Boundaries (Noun) - Synonyms: Limits, Borders
(Límites / Границы / حدود / Limites)

Equality (Noun) - Synonyms: Parity, Equivalence
(Igualdad / Равенство / المساواة / Égalité)

Misunderstandings (Noun) - Synonyms: Confusions, Misinterpretations
(Malentendidos / Недопонимание / سوء فهم / Malentendus)

Red Flags (Noun) - Synonyms: Warning signs, Alarms
(Señales de alerta / Красные флаги / إشارات تحذيرية / Signaux d'alerte)

Independence (Noun) - Synonyms: Autonomy, Self-reliance
(Independencia / Независимость / استقلالية / Indépendance)

Supportive (Adjective) - Synonyms: Encouraging, Assisting
(Apoyo / Поддерживающий / داعم / Soutien)

Hello beautiful love beasts. Welcome to the Simple English Listening podcast.  Check out this. I've been playing with Music AI to make an introduction music piece.  So far, the AI Music app made this, which is pretty funny. Check it out.

I'll continue to play around with the Music AI. On this podcast, we speak about interesting topics, but in simple English, so you can pick up new language naturally.

We will teach you a grammar point,  an important grammar point, and then chat using the new grammar point about a topic that is interesting for you.

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Okay, today we will teach the modal verbs should do, ought to and had better. Should do, ought to, and had better. You use to give advice, to help people, and to help yourself make good decisions. Should do, ought to, and had better.

In the context of, relationship advice.  So, this will be funny. So we will talk about things you should do, and should not do, to have a good, successful, beautiful relationship.  Because, they do call me,  Dr. Love. They call me, professor of passion. No, sorry. Uh, none of that is true. It's just a joke.  I don't know why I said it. Forget I said it. I didn't say anything! 

No, our information today comes from a few different sites on the internet and also of my own experiences a little bit as a 38 year old man with a few relationships. 

So before we dive into our relationship advice, quick challenge:

How many of these relationship jokes can you understand?  Why do couples go to the gym?  Because they want their relationship to work out.

Get it? Work out means to exercise. They want their relationship to work out.

Anyway, next. My wife and I were happy for 20 years.  Then,  we met.  That's a good one.

Next.  Why do scientists say relationships are like chemical reactions?  Because, if you have the right elements, it's just a matter of time before it heats up!

Or maybe that one was a bit too complicated.

Here's the final one.  What do you call two birds in love?  Two birds in love.  Tweethearts. 

So you get it, eh? Not sweethearts. Sweethearts are two people in love. But tweethearts,  yeah? Because birds go tweet, just like cows go moo. And mice go squeak,  yeah? And turtles go, I don't know. No one knows.  Snails go.  Only some animals have humanized sounds.

Okay, modal verbs of advice. Boom. Let's go. SHOULD, OUGHT TO, and HAD BETTER are used to say if something is a good idea or not.  It is used to give advice, suggestions, and recommendations. 

-I think you should go out with him. 
-I think you ought to go out with him.
-I think you had better go out with him. 

All of these have nearly the same meaning. They are all advice, suggestions, recommendations.  The negative is simply adding not.  You can repeat:

- I think you should not go out with him. 
- I think you ought to not go out with him. 
- I think you had better not go out with him.

English speakers use 'should' the most.  The strongest one is 'had better'.  'Had better' is the one that has the most impact. Yeah? The reason why the strongest one is 'had better' is because 'had better' includes the idea that something bad will happen if you do not do it. Yeah, that there's negative consequences if you do not do it.

- You had better take your medicine. 
- You had better remember her birthday. 
- You had better not steal my coffee in the morning, unless you can run faster than me.  Another little joke.  And there we go. 

Now, let's chat about what you should and shouldn't do in a relationship, according to me and my experiences, but also mostly, of course, the internet.
I'm not perfect. I'm just a man.

But first, please remember to follow, like, subscribe, etc. if you are enjoying this podcast. And, if. It benefits your learning. Please consider leaving a five star review for the algorithm. No pressure, only if you like. If you benefit, I'd much appreciate it. Okay, the shoulds of a healthy relationship.

One, you should listen more than you talk.  To listen means paying attention to what your partner says is very important.  Listening helps you understand their feelings and needs. Two, you should appreciate the small things.  This means recognizing and being thankful for little acts of kindness or love or affection your partner shows you.

It's important to acknowledge these small things.  To 'acknowledge' means they should know that you have seen it and have appreciated it. Their efforts.  Say thank you. Acknowledge the effort.  Return it with your own effort. To make each other feel valued. 

Three. You should keep the romance alive. You should keep the romantic part alive. You should always have special moments and make special dates. 

Next, part two, the ought to of avoiding relationship icebergs, so your relationship doesn't sink like the Titanic.  'Ought to' is similar to 'should', but we often use 'ought to' for duty or moral obligations, so things you feel you should do
because your heart says it is the right thing to do. 

And this is also, of course, outside of romance, yeah? You do things that you feel are right to do. If you see bullying, yeah? Or something that you want to stop. Or someone in your work environment is having a difficult time, and there's something you can do to improve it. Something you ought to do - moral obligations. We use 'ought to'.

For relationships, you ought to compromise. To compromise means to find a middle ground where both partners can agree.  It should never be just your way.  It should never be just their way.  What is the path that makes you both happy? Find it.  This shows respect for each other's opinions and needs.

Next, you ought to have your own hobbies and interests. It's important for both partners to have interests outside of the relationship.  This allows for personal growth and brings new experiences to share with each other.  You ought to respect each other's need for space.  For me, personally, this is a big one.
I very much have my own life, my own interests, my own friends.  And I want my own experiences outside of the relationship. 

I love the metaphor that two partners are like two strings on a guitar.  Two strings on a guitar, the two partners.  The two strings, they are apart.  They stand apart,  but they sing together to the same music.

Yeah, the same music comes from these two strings. That's, that are apart. A beautiful metaphor. There's another metaphor about the temple. Uh, the temple. This beautiful structure is supported by two columns. The two columns support something beautiful and strong.  A. K. A. a relationship.  Both columns stand apart. They stand separately.  Beautiful, eh?

Those two metaphors are actually from a book that I love. A book written about a hundred years ago called The Prophet.  The Prophet is a short book by a Lebanese-American poet and writer about a hundred years ago called Khalil Gibran and it's about a fictional prophet and he brings together wisdom from many different religions. So, it's a great idea, great concept.

Okay, next.  It's okay for your partner to have alone time away from you or with their friends.  Also,  when you have some time away from them, it gives you a chance to miss each other.  It's healthy for both partners to have some independence. within the relationship. 

Okay, and finally, the had better for relationship survival. 'Had better' is used to give strong advice. 'Had better' suggests there will be negative consequences or negative things will happen if the advice is not followed.

Okay, you, you had better not forget important dates. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions is crucial because it shows your partner that you care and value your time together.

You had better communicate. Good communication is key to solving problems.  It's important to talk openly, openly about your feelings and listen to your partner.

Or you can hide your feelings and slowly let them go, make you go crazy and then throw yourself in front of a bus or an incoming train, or you split up and you just tell them all the problems at once in a big list.

Actually, I had a past girlfriend that actually broke up with me like that!  She just saved everything inside, which is actually quite common in Asian cultures, to be honest.  Saved everything inside and then just gave me a list and broke up with me.  And yeah, I was like, why didn't you just communicate? These are all things that we can easily resolve.  But she's like, 'no, that's not my way'.  This is here in Vietnam, by the way. Vietnamese girl. Anyway, uh, so communicate. So these problems do not build up. Yeah, so do not be like me.

Next, you had better keep your sense of humor. Your sense of fun and laughing.
Being able to laugh together. Even in difficult times can help keep the relationship strong.  It's important to not take everything too seriously and enjoy each other's company.  If you find you're in a relationship and you've stopped laughing, or laugh much less, a sad shell of what used to be, then, maybe ask yourself, are you with the right person? Or, is there anything toxic there? 

To the next and final part, if the relationship is unhealthy, if it is not successful, we call it a toxic relationship in English.  Some people will stay in toxic relationships for far, far too long. And at worst, they become a worse version of themselves.  Like I have done before in the past. Worse for their family, worse for their friends.

Anyway, so let's finish by talking about ways to avoid a toxic relationship. How can we keep our beautiful love boat away from the waters of toxicity? Maybe You are too often stressed or your little heart feels like a hurricane of madness.  How is your blood pressure?  And, how was it before your relationship?  That's one I think sometimes.  I just feel a pressure inside me!

Anyway, trust your instincts.  'Instincts' means deep down, if something feels wrong, it probably is wrong.  Listen to your gut feelings, yeah? Your instincts. Do not ignore signs the relationship isn't healthy.

Do not ignore the red flags.  And the good news, the good news, is that often the red flags can be fixed. Many relationships have red flags, it's just a natural part of it. Often the toxicities, that's a good word for you, toxicities can be fixed. But, only if both partners want to fix it. 

You ought to set boundaries.  Draw your lines in the sand. Decide what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with, and communicate that to your partner.  Boundaries are important for maintaining respect in the relationship. 

I apologize in advance if I'm responsible for any divorces by doing this podcast. But I will say I used lots of advice from many different professionals on their websites, many real doctors of love and psychologists.

Okay, continuing about avoiding a toxic relationship. You had better prioritize respect, respect for one another. Respect for each other's thoughts, feelings, and needs is so important. Without respect, a relationship can become harmful. You should seek equality in the relationship.  Both partners should have an equal say and share responsibilities.

Equality helps ensure that one person doesn't have too much power over the other person. Too much power, if one person has that,  is not healthy. Next, you ought to communicate openly and honestly. Being honest about your feelings and discussing problems openly can prevent misunderstandings and build trust.

And finally!  You had better not ignore red flags. 'Red flags' means warning signs. Examples are disrespect or controlling behavior, or not communicating honestly, or needing to have too much power, or using fear against you, or threatening the relationship, etc. I've seen them all before. These are all red flags.

Do not ignore them, but try to talk about them.  Type in 'red flags' on Google to learn more.  Here, okay, so here you really have to be honest with yourself. Many people ignore red flags because it means you have to question, they have to question their own decisions and beliefs - 'I thought that person was right for me'.
And sometimes this can make us feel stupid and vulnerable. 

Both partners can produce red flags and toxicities.  Look at yourself first.  Which red flags and toxicities might you be producing. First look at that! 

Relationships are a journey and like any journey they require attention, care and sometimes a bit of navigation and small changes.

Remember, using a modal verbs of advice like should, ought to and had better can help us express what actions are beneficial or necessary. Not just in relationships, but in all contexts, yeah? We've just used relationships as our context to teach this language.

So, keep these top tips in mind to build healthy, supportive and loving relationships.

Why?  Because you deserve it. Because you're beautiful, inside and outside.  So until next time, good luck. Have an amazing week, everyone. Full of love and self discovery. And if you're feeling lonely and single, you can always just listen to this podcast to give you some company.  If this podcast helps people emotionally as well, then for me, that would be the ultimate joy!